What I am thinking about today.

Ok, here's what is on my mind. Why can't we live in a Rubenesque society where being pleasantly plump is considered attractive. When the idea of a well fed woman showed signs of prosperity and beauty. Why oh why?

Instead we live in a society where the thinner you are the better. Have you seen Kelly Rippa lately? Or the ladies on Desperate Housewives that get skinnier and skinnier. They even weigh less than they did ten or fifteen years ago when they were on other shows! It is ridiculous.

Being that we do live where skinny is better, I have decided to try to trim down. After having 4 kids, a crazy thyroid, and an obsessive love of sugar and all things tasty, it is not easy. So what do I do? Something really stupid. I blame this on my "friend" Mindy who introduced me to this torture.

I have taken drastic measures in an effort to jump start some weight loss. I am doing the HCG diet. Drops under the tongue. Only 500 calories. Very few choices in food. You know it is bad when your portion of Melba toast is your favorite part of the day. Or when you think a hot dog smells fabulous. Anyway I have been doing the diet for 2 weeks now and I have a few days to go. I have to admit that it has worked (ok thanks, Mindy). I have not been hungry. I have lost weight. I do think I can finish these last few days. I have not cheated even once.

That being said; I can't say it has been easy. It has been very difficult. I love food. I look forward to having good things to eat. It generally makes my day. I have really mourned the loss of my good friend food. "It is for the greater good" I keep telling myself, but is it really? I have questioned it every day. Shane had to convince me to keep going everyday of the first week. I have no will power. But again, I haven't cheated once.

A couple other issues that have surfaced during this diet are as follows:
My sweet, handsome, and ever thin husband is just not normal. He doesn't think about food. He will eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich everyday and be happy. He loves to exercise. He is obsessed with going to the gym and it is the highlight of his day. He doesn't understand my struggle in the least. We drove by Cheesecake Factory the other day and I said, "Isn't it sad that we can't get a piece of cheesecake to take home for a treat later?" He looked at me like I was losing my mind and said, "that would never even occur to me." What? How could it not? Obviously we don't live in the same world.

Also everyone I have ever enjoyed spending time with has called me to go to dinner or lunch. Everyone from the usual dinner friends, to long lost friends, to relatives. Everyone. It is killing me. It is my social life, my chance to escape from the children that made me a chubber in the first place, my chance for adult conversation and laughter. A true joy to my days. Shane got his best laugh through all this the day I said, "We are much to popular for this diet." Or maybe it was the day I said that "dieting doesn't fit my lifestyle." Either way. Both are so true.

The real kicker is that I have lost 12 lbs so far and you can't tell. I don't fit into a different size, especially not those jeans tucked in the closet for "some day when they (magically) fit again." No one would look at me and think I have made an ounce of effort. But I guess I know. I guess I can keep plugging along to a thinner, cuter version of myself.

Maybe I need to reevaluate my hate of all things exercise. Maybe now I will try again to go to a gym, exercise class, or become a runner. Maybe then I can enjoy my nights out with friends, or a sleeve of girl scout cookies and still feel slightly attractive to my husband of almost 15 years. At least I made a little effort in the right direction right? And maybe, just maybe, if I am lucky enough, a muffin top, chubby arms, and monster thighs will be what is considered attractive at some point in my life. Until then. . . . . treadmill, will you be my new friend?